Quotes Categories

Erma Bombeck Quotes

(1927), American Author, Humorist

Never accept a drink from a Urologist.

Category: Alcohol And Alcoholism

It goes without saying that you should never have more children than you have car windows.

Category: Children

Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.

Category: Children

Humorists can never start to take themselves seriously. It's literary suicide.

Category: Comedy And Comedians

I am not a glutton -- I am an explorer of food.

Category: Control

It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else.

Category: Courage

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.

Category: Doctors

The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heaving breathing again.

Category: Exercise

You hear a lot of dialogue on the death of the American family. Families aren't dying. They're merging into big conglomerates.

Category: Family

I take a very practical view of raising children. I put a sign in each of their rooms: ''Checkout Time is 18 years.''

Category: Parents And Parenting

Don't confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other.

Category: Success

When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left and could say, ''I used everything you gave me.''.

Category: Talent