Alcohol is necessary for a man so that he can have a good opinion of himself, undisturbed be the facts.
Category: Alcohol And Alcoholism
The only good husbands stay bachelors: They're too considerate to get married.
Don't jump on a man unless he is down.
It don't make much difference what you study, so long as you don't like it.
A fanatic is a man that does what he thinks the Lord would do if He knew the facts of the case.
Category: Fanatics And Fanaticism
A lie with a purpose is one of the worst kind, and the most profitable.
Category: Lies And Lying
A man's idea in a game of cards is war, cruel, devastating, and pitiless. A lady's idea of it is a combination of larceny, embezzlement and burglary.
Category: Men And Women
Comfort the afflicted, and afflict the comfortable.
The past always looks better than it was because it isn't here.
One of the strangest things about life is that the poor, who need the money the most, are the ones that never have it.
Category: Poverty And The Poor
Trust everybody, but cut the cards.
Most vegetarians I ever see looked enough like their food to be classed as cannibals.
Vice is a creature of such hideous mien... that the more you see it the better you like it.
The world is not growing worse and it is not growing better -- it is just turning around as usual.