Quotes Categories

Joe E. Lewis Quotes

American Writer

It pays to get drunk with the best people.

Category: Alcohol And Alcoholism

I would take a bomb, but I can't stand the noise.

Category: Alcohol And Alcoholism

I drink to forget I drink.

Category: Alcohol And Alcoholism

I don't drink any more than the man next to me, and the man next to me is Dean Martin.

Category: Alcohol And Alcoholism

A man is never drunk if he can lay on the floor without holding on.

Category: Alcohol And Alcoholism

I always wake up at the crack of ice.

Category: Alcohol And Alcoholism

I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.

Category: Animals

I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster.

Category: Food And Eating

Show me a friend in need and I'll show you a pest.

Category: Friends And Friendship

I've been on such a losing streak that if I had been around I would have taken General Custer and given points.

Category: Gambling

You only live once -- but if you work it right, once is enough.

Category: Life And Living

Show me a man with both feet on the ground and I'll show you a man who can't get his pants on.

Category: Maturity

They had me on the operating table all day. They looked into my stomach, my gall bladder, they examined everything inside of me. Know what they decided? I need glasses.

Category: Medicine

I'm still chasing girls. I don't remember what for, but I'm still chasing them.

Category: Memory

I don't like money actually, but it quiets the nerves.

Category: Money