Quotes Categories

W. C. Fields Quotes

(1879-1946), American Actor

Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.

Category: Abstinence

Show me a great actor and I'll show you a lousy husband. Show me a great actress, and you've seen the devil.

Category: Acting And Actors

I never drink water. I'm afraid it will become habit-forming.

Category: Alcohol And Alcoholism

I never drink water; that is the stuff that rusts pipes.

Category: Alcohol And Alcoholism

It was a woman who drove me to drink, and I never had the courtesy to thank her for it.

Category: Alcohol And Alcoholism

Somebody left the cork out of my lunch.

Category: Alcohol And Alcoholism

The cost of living has gone up another dollar a quart.

Category: Alcohol And Alcoholism

You can't trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.

Category: Alcohol And Alcoholism

W. C. Fields, a lifetime agnostic, was discovered reading a Bible on his deathbed. ''I'm looking for a loop-hole,'' he explained.

Category: Bible

I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday.

Category: Cities And City Life

I never vote for anyone. I always vote against.

Category: Elections

Remember, a dead fish can float downstream, but it takes a live one to swim upstream.

Category: Life And Living

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.

Category: Money

I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.

Category: Prejudice

My heart is a bargain today. Will you take it?

Category: Price