Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.
Show me a great actor and I'll show you a lousy husband. Show me a great actress, and you've seen the devil.
Category: Acting And Actors
I never drink water. I'm afraid it will become habit-forming.
I never drink water; that is the stuff that rusts pipes.
It was a woman who drove me to drink, and I never had the courtesy to thank her for it.
Somebody left the cork out of my lunch.
The cost of living has gone up another dollar a quart.
You can't trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.
W. C. Fields, a lifetime agnostic, was discovered reading a Bible on his deathbed. ''I'm looking for a loop-hole,'' he explained.
I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday.
Category: Cities And City Life
I never vote for anyone. I always vote against.
Remember, a dead fish can float downstream, but it takes a live one to swim upstream.
Category: Life And Living
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.
My heart is a bargain today. Will you take it?