Quotes Categories

Woody Allen Quotes

(1935), American Director, Screenwriter, Actor, Comedian

Of all the wonders of nature, a tree in summer is perhaps the most remarkable; with the possible exception of a moose singing ''Embraceable You'' in spats.

Category: Animals

Man consists of two parts, his mind and his body, only the body has more fun.

Category: Body

I'd never join a club that would allow a person like me to become a member.

Category: Club

Comedy just pokes at problems, rarely confronts them squarely. Drama is like a plate of meat and potatoes, comedy is rather the dessert, a bit like meringue.

Category: Comedy And Comedians

I think being funny is not anyone's first choice.

Category: Comedy And Comedians

Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year. This is quite a profitable sum, especially when one consider that the Mafia spends very little for office supplies.

Category: Crime And Criminals

I don't believe in an after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.

Category: Death And Dying

I'm not afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.

Category: Death And Dying

On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done just as easily as lying down.

Category: Death And Dying

What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet.

Category: Disillusion

What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream? Or what's worse, what if only that fat guy in the third row exists?

Category: Dreams

I don't respond well to mellow, you know what I mean, I have a tendency to... if I get too mellow, I ripen and then rot.

Category: Drugs

I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead -- not sick, not wounded -- dead.

Category: Food And Eating

More than any time in history mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness, the other to total extinction. Let us pray that we have the wisdom to choose correctly.

Category: History And Historians

In Beverly Hills... they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows.

Category: Hollywood